Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Another Kickass Milestone I Nearly Missed: Our 251st Post!

I know, I should have posted this as the 250th post, but I kind of got distracted by dice. Can you blame me?

So, 251 posts here at Dispatches From Kickassistan in the past two years. I owe the vast bulk of the fact that I've gone this far to the encouragement of all the fantastic folks out there. You've pushed me to keep going, to turn my ramblings about "you know what would be cool in a game?" into a remarkably successful ongoing campaign (well, three, really; I kind of owe the community for the Iron Coast and Quasquetherion as well as Metal Gods) and then into a critically-acclaimed fanzine (if you count everyone who says nice things to/about me as critics) and into whatever comes next for Kickassistan.

I'd like to thank the Spellburn guys +Jim Wampler+Jeffrey Tadlock & my old pal +Jobe Bittman for the kind words they've had for me and the Metal Gods of Ur-Hadad zine, most conspicuously in the latest episode of Spellburn (though the various manglings of my last name for the past few episodes have been fun). In case you've missed that episode of Spellburn, check it out here.

I feel like every time I hit one of these milestones, it's my instinct to just start thanking folks, to give shout outs where I feel shout outs are due. This time, my list of potential shout outs is so crazy huge that I can't even wrap my head around it. Here's the TL;DR version: If I've met you, gamed with you, had meaningful discourse with during/about/(some other preposition) gaming with you, hung out at a con with you, threw ideas back and forth with you, argued about gaming with you, then I owe you my thanks and know it. Thank you.

As for what's next here in Kickassistan, be advised that the second issue of Metal Gods is shaping up and could really benefit from an "Adam sits down and just hammers shit out" session that should be coming this week. No, that does not mean that the zine is coming this week. It should be out before the end of May, but give a brother some time. The whole Metal Gods tornado has been a fun ride and on behalf of +Wayne Snyder+Edgar Johnson and myself, thanks for making it possible. I've yet to crunch the numbers, but it looks like you'll have helped raise a decent chunk of change for StandUp For Kids.

The Kickassistan Ministry of Tourism is gearing up to produce a few non-zine things as well. Edgar's cooked up an adventure that we're in the process of fine tuning into a serious release. There's a strong chance we'll be turning some modules I've been running at cons into real products as well. There have also been some rumblings about +Jason Hobbs and I collaborating on some form of Western game. That'd be cool.

I think my next Kickass Milestone post will be either 300 posts or 100k views, whichever comes first. Personally, I'm hoping it's the views.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Advice From A Precision Dice Addict, Part 2: The Old School d20

When my lovely wife, +Kathryn Muszkiewicz, saw my recent Diamond Dice purchases, she grimaced. Not because I have spent enough on dice in the past month to afford several full sets of Zocchis, but because she didn't like the d20s. She liked the d6s and d12s, particularly since they're bigger than GameScience dice (and yes, she has her own GS dice, so she has a point of comparison). She dug the chunkiness of the d8, d10s and d4. It was the d20 that drew her ire.

Old school d20s like the Diamond Dice are numbered differently from the d20 of today. Rather than being numbered from "1" to "20," these old dice are numbered from "1" through "0" (like ye olde d10), twice. This is the point where Katie freaked out. How was she supposed to tell if she'd rolled a 20 or a 10? 

"Well, Katie, when you ink them, you ink each set of 1 through 0 a different color."

But how do you decide which color is "high" or "low?" 

"You just pick one. That's 'high.' The other is 'low.'"

You'd probably do that before you roll, right?

"Yep. I'd try to keep my colors consistent, too. So, like, if I roll a silver '3,' I'd know that's an actual '3,' whereas a gold '3' would be a '13.'"

Huh, that sound annoying.

"Well, back in the day, that's all we had."

Sometimes I hate back in the day.

"You had to be there, Katie. You had to be there."

Sorting out the Old School d20

So, here's the thing: since your dice's numbers are all jumbled up, you could just hunt and peck and color facets "1" through "0" at random, or maybe even try to even things out. That's what I tried to do at first. Before I learned to true way of the Old School d20. Now, I found the rhythm, the real order of the Old School d20. And now that I know its secrets, I must share them with you.

Step One: Find Your Polar Arrays

This sounds complicated! So here's the thing: there are three different segments of the Old School d20. There are two polar arrays and an equatorial belt. I know that sounds fancy, but it's actually pretty simple. Look for a vertex that is surrounded by the following numbers: 1, 3, 5, 6 & 9. (A vertex means the peak where facets join together.) This will be easy because the top of each of these numbers points toward that vertex. Directly opposite of this vertex on the other side of the die is exactly the same (numbered 1, 3, 5, 6 & 9). Congratulations! That was the easy part!

Step Two: Ink Your Polar Arrays

Now that you know what they are, you're going to ink your polar arrays. Pick the first of the two colors that you plan on using for these dice (silver & gold is good, but I actually use all sorts of colors; it's best to use colors that directly contrast), and ink (using yesterday's techniques) three of the facets on one polar array, preferably in a spaced-out manner (I like to 1, 3 & 5). With the same color, color the facets you didn't choose for the other polar array and ink them here (in my example, it would be 6 & 9; I'll always do 6 & 9 together because... duuuuuuude!). 

Step Three: Find Your Equatorial Belt & Ink It

Holding your partially-inked die by its polar vertices (come on, you play RPGs, you should be able to figure this out), you'll notice that there's a belt of numbers around the center, half of which are right-side-up and half of which are upside-down. These will read (starting at "0"): 0, 7, 2, 4 & 8. Oh look, it's the numbers that were missing from the polar arrays. Ink just sequence that you can read with the same color you partially inked your polar arrays. 

Step Four: Everything Else Is Another Color

Now just fill in what you haven't done yet in another color. Dispense with fancy terminology that I made up to talk about where things are on dice, and get rolling. Done. Have fun.

The Old School d20 was a sort of fun mystery to unravel for me. I knew how to do it, I just didn't know the best way to do it. For me, that is. I mean, of course I think I hit upon the best way in an objective sense, but I recognize that my POV is just my own. I'm also kind of jazzed up about the funky terms I strung together to describe dice. Polar array indeed. Sounds so much cooler than "the top side."

As an afterthought, there is another type of Old School d20 that is much easier to work with than the Diamond Dice style. Armory used to make Old School d20s that were numbered "1" through "0" and "+1" through "+0." These are much easier to sort out and don't even require different colors. Armory dice are, however, very difficult to find. I'd love to find some Armory d30s (the "1-30" kind), but there is a total dearth of them on teh interwebs. 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Advice From A Precision Dice Addict, Part 1

So, a few weeks back, when I talked about ASSH, I mentioned that the ASSH box included Diamond Dice, a brand of precision dice that we used to see advertised in the pages of Dragon Magazine back in the day. I had more or less forgotten about Diamond Dice, particularly with my growing dependency on GameScience's funky dice thanks to DCC & Goodman Games. But the current dearth of GameScience dice (they're not currently in production by anyone and no one's giving us a date as to when they will be), poppa needs to get his precision dice fix.

And then +Jeff Talanian introduced me to Diamond Dice.

And thus the crack that is GameScience got replaced by the freebase that is Diamond Dice.

Well, maybe not replaced, because much like the GameScience dice, Diamond Dice are also no longer being made. And so, I've had to go searching for them. I happened across a solid source of them through eBay (I'll be happy to share that source with folks who're interested, just let me know; you could just search on your own, and you'd find what I did, or I can give you a link) and have been picking them up for less than I'd expect to pay for GameScience dice sets new, despite the fact that these things are out of print.

I don't know why Diamond Dice are no longer in production. I remember Jeff saying something about the guy who used to make them selling off all his stock a few years ago. It's really a shame; these things are nice. Sure, a set doesn't include my funky dice, but now I do have a nice set of dice where every die is a precision die.

Diamond Dice are not the same as GameScience dice, which is to be expected. All of the dice are slightly larger than the GameScience ones. This is especially nice for the dice that always felt small in GS dice like the d6 & d12. Just like many old school dice, DDs come uninked, leaving the task to you. I've had some (mostly bad) experience in doing this with my GS dice, so I viewed the DDs as a challenge and an opportunity to fine-tune my technique.

Inking dice isn't anything revolutionary, but there are some things you can do to make the task harder or easier. I'm guessing you're in for the "easier" column. And so, let me share my insights. The following step-by-step uses metallic paint Sharpies (not water soluble, since +David Baity asked elsewhere), but I'll include notes for crayons when appropriate.

Step One: Uninked

Before you get started, it's a good idea to identify how you plan on inking the dice. Check out the dice before you do so; if all of the numbers are nice and deep, you can use crayons or a Sharpie. If not, you're stuck using the Sharpie. The Sharpie isn't so bad, and usually looks nice, but takes a little extra work. Crayons clean off better but can have some trouble filling in particular angles and such.

Step Two: Ink!

The reason this thing looks like crap is that the point on a Sharpie paint marker isn't that fine. It'll fill the grooves of the number quickly and easily, but you've got to clean up the slop damn fast. I was a little worried about the amount of time it took to take this picture being enough for the slop to set in and get all permanent-y. (Also, metallic paint Sharpies really stink. For me, that's the biggest drawback.) If you're inking in crayon, you're not going to have that problem, but you might have trouble filling in the number's grooves. I recommend using the butt of the crayon (not the point) and dragging it across the groove (rather than along it), so that the groove scrapes wax off to fill it in. If you have any gaps, you can use the point of the crayon.

Step Three: Wipe It Clean!

Just a little paper towel and these things clean up great. Both crayon and Sharpie need to be wiped clean from the surface, but the crayon doesn't have any kind of timer on getting it off, unlike the Sharpie. If you don't get that Sharpie off of the surface of the facet, it can set and really make it ugly. I just use a paper towel and call it good. All in all, this is a simple procedure, but I really wish someone had walked me through it two years ago when I first started screwing up my GS dice. Up side: I've now got several really pretty sets of Diamond Dice.

Next time, I'll talk about inking technique on the Diamond Dice d20, which is a beast into and of itself.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Gods of Kickassistan: The God of Blackened Skies

The God of Blackened Skies

The Lord of Ash, the Vulture King, He Who Waits in the Winds, Devourer of the Creamated Dead and Keeper of Whispered Secrets.

Neutral Alignment

"Gods? Of course my people have gods, though we are wise enough not to need a god for every little thing on the face of Ore. My people, we have gods for one thing, the only thing you really need a god for: death." - Skallic shaman Hagan Marat

"Ah, yes, I suppose that our practices might have originated with the Skalls, but that's entirely immaterial. What's more important is that the rites of the Vulture King have ensured proper burials and hygienic disposal for the bodies of the dead while maintaining profitable operations since the Fall of Ur-Hadad. A faith that may have started with barbarians -- or may not have, I have yet to concede that point -- has ensured the continuation of civilized society and a higher standard of living for all of Man." - Brother Hesperod, Junior Accountant-Monk, Third Class

"I care not for such prattle. The Vulture King shall know my faith when He drinks in the ash from the burning bodies of my  foes." - barbarian warlord Karas of Skall

Among the Skalls, it is well-established that the only gods worthy of a man's veneration are the gods of death. Death is the only thing that men cannot change. The Skalls keep three main death gods; the first is the Stag-Headed God, He Who Is Devoured, a deity of bravery and self-sacrifice, keeper of the spirits of warriors who are consumed by their foes. The God Under the Mountain is the god of the buried dead, the Counter of Plunder, and is Himself buried beneath the stone and treasure that forms his cairn. The final god of this trinity, the God of Blackened Skies, is warden over the spirits of the cremated dead, as well as the Vulture King and the Prince of Ravens, a deity of both sought-after knowledge and irrevocable fate. It is His faith that has spread throughout the civilized lands of Ore.

Often depicted as a carrion bird composed of ash, the Skalls first venerated the Lord of Ash as patron of vultures, crows and other eaters of the dead. To be consumed by these birds was an honorable burial, as their bodies would bear worthy souls up to the storm clouds where He is said to dwell; the unworthy, however, would be shat back upon the earth, spending their afterlife literally as excrement. The Skallic priests would build tall funerary biers to feed the birds, but eventually the practice of cremation took over as the primary method of commending a soul to He Who Waits in the Winds when the number of bodies to be commended outstripped the birds' appetites, particularly during conquest. A number of Skallic tribes, however, never took to cremation; instead, they worked the massed bodies of the dead into vast tribute totems to be picked clean by God of Blackened Skies' favored pets. Finding a field of large towers comprised of dead bodies woven together around a wooden frame is a sure sign that you're in Skallic territory.

The Lord of Ash is also the Skallic god of storms, in particular in their most destructive forms. Thunderstorms, tornadoes, hurricanes, all these are the purview of He Who Waits in the Winds. Only snowstorms and blizzards are outside his sphere of influence among all inclement weather. Thus, it is common for Skalls to celebrate a monsoon but curse even the lightest of snows; Skallic myth reports that snow was invented as the dying curse of a god whose worshipers fell before the Skalls, a curse that shall dog the steps of tribes wherever they lead.

In Civilized Lands

In Ur-Hadad, Av Arat, Port Scourge and every other city of Man throughout the known world, the rites of the Vulture King are kept. Here, the faith has been adopted in a syncretic manner, and so the Skallic death god is worshiped alongside other gods on the Avenue of One Thousand Gods. Somewhere in the lands bordering the Skalls' typical stomping grounds, perhaps Hyperbarbaria, the rites of He Who Waits in the Winds took root and found purchase in the fertile imaginations of peoples eager to make some sense out of death and destruction, out of storm and warfare, amid the dead and burning bodies on the battlefield. By the time the Elder Races fled during the Fall of Ur-Hadad, worship of the God of Blackened Skies was widespread enough that the bodies of the dead (honored and otherwise) were set upon the roofs of the First City's buildings and palaces for whatever carrion birds would claim them. When that rite, practiced on such a wide scale, led to disease, the vulture priests introduced the Skallic practice of cremation as an alternative path to the Prince of Ravens' court.

Today, the civilized church of the God of Blackened Skies is one of the most efficient organizations in the Dominion of Man. A corps of priestly death-oracles predict the expirations of all citizens of a municipality, allowing the priesthood and families to prepare for upcoming demises. To manage these funerary expenses, an immense bureaucracy of accountant-monks has sprung up of the centuries, dedicated to careful oversight of church finances and the laity's contributions to them. In fact, there are persistent rumors of collusion between the oracle priests and the accountant-monks in order to fill the coffers of the faith much more soundly; the church takes such rumors seriously and has recently adopted the practice of appointing Auditors to investigate churches of particularly poor repute. These Auditors are the inquisitors of the Blackened Sky faith, charged with keeping the church free from corruption, and not answerable to the normal bureaucratic institutions of the church. Above all sits the echelon of the Vulture Priests, the ascetics entrusted with the holy duty of performing funerary rites. Any priest of the Blackened Sky may become a Vulture Priest (and, in fact, so can any faithful member of the laity), but the process is long and difficult, culminating in a ritual whereby the priest is offered up as a living sacrifice to the Lord of Ash; the greater the portion of his flesh devoured by carrion birds, and yet he survives, the greater the new Vulture Priest is favored by the God.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

ASSH: It's Like A Tribe Called Quest

... You have to say the whole thing.

Say it with me now: "Astonishing Swordsmen & Sorcerers of Hyperborea."

I love the way that rolls off the tongue. Apparently, not everyone does.

This past GaryCon, I was able to purchase one of +Jeff Talanian's last boxes that he brought with him to the con, a purchase that I'd been putting off for quite awhile. You see, $50 is not a small chunk of change, and $50 plus shipping and handling is even more. Even when North Wind put the ASSH box on sale a few months back, I did the math and realized that the discount didn't even cover the cost of shipping. "A con purchase," I told myself, "or maybe Noble Knight if they put it on sale or something." And so, when Jeff told me he only had four more boxes with him, I had to bite. I picked up the box as well as the limited edition Rats in The Walls adventure (based as it is on my favorite Lovecraft story).

There are plenty of reviews of ASSH out there, so I'm not about to go through what ASSH is and why you should care about it. It's damn awesome. That's all I have to say on the matter. So, rather than talk about the actual contents of the game (have I mentioned that I think that it's badass yet?), here's some stuff that I've noticed about the production values of the game.

  • The box was made to last. It's sturdy, thick, and will likely stand up to any punishment I can throw at it. I like that. I want a box that I can break open 20 years from now and say "Let's rock, imaginary future children!"
  • The dice included are precision Diamond Dice. Remember Diamond Dice? I barely remember them, and then it's from ads in Dragon Magazine. I don't think I ever saw them in person and for that, my dice ownership has forever suffered. These are nice dice! Sure, they need to be inked, but isn't that why Sharpie makes those cool paint markers? (That and to get +Doug Kovacs to draw cool shit in your DCC books.) Since buying this box, I've gone and tracked down all the Diamond Dice I can, within reason. 
  • I get why Jeff opted for the spiral-bound books. Primarily, that they'll open flat on your table. Sure, they're probably cheaper, but I'll bet it was the "flat-open" thing that made it a thing. The only problem I've had is that, sometimes, the small amount of paper on the spine side of the spiral holes can fold under, and I get worried that if I didn't notice it, I might rip the page right there, since the spiral holes make the page more or less perforated. 
  • I really need a second Players' Manual. Yeah, just another one. I want to play this game a LOT, and a second book would be badass at the gaming table. 
  • I thought that the map would be bigger. I'm not sure why I thought this, but I did. It's a great map, though. I wasn't disappointed or anything, I just for some reason thought it would be bigger than it is. The map is 24-mile hexes, which is cool for me because it lends itself to the 6-mile hex on a smaller scale, which is my preferred size. (I use 24-mile, 6-mile and 1-mile hexes.)
  • I like the odd sizes of the manuals and modules. This isn't a big thing, but it's neat. The old fashioned letter-sized manuals and modules and stuff are okay, but these really feel unique. You're not about to lose them among your other stuff.
  • The module maps could be a bit larger for my tastes. Maybe I'm just used to DCC's maps, but I like my maps big and chunky with lots of detail. The maps in the Rats In The Walls really need to be a touch larger for me to enjoy them. 
So, this past Wednesday, I ran Rats in the Walls for ASSH. We made characters in-session, which didn't go as quickly as I had assumed it would, but you can always count on +PJ Muszkiewicz & +Ray Case to drag their heels making characters, so I shouldn't have been surprised. +Jason Hobbs was the first person to flesh out a character, and he ended up with an Atlantean Warlock (of the necromantic variety), so a sort of "undersea Elric." Phil rolled an Esquimaux (which is pronounce "ES-kim-oh," not "es-ki-MAWKS" the way Hobbs tried to) Shaman who venerates Kthulhu. Ray ended up with a (male) Amazonian Pyromancer. The team had an impressive array of arcane magic at its disposal, but largely failed to use it to their best advantage and instead took hit after hit, ultimately having to retreat from the Rats. You know, the ones in the Walls. All in all, it was a great session, though, and the guys decided that we needed to play again. 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Inevitable Post GaryCon Post

Man, this has been an eventful year for my lovely wife and I. It seems like all the crap we went through at the beginning of the year (cat dying, van's engine catching on fire, vacations getting ruined, etc.) built us up an awful lot of credit in the Karma department. Apparently, when invested properly, that stuff cashes out nicely. Let's look at the stuff that's been going right so far this year: (a) the Metal Gods zine is doing very well in sales and getting very positive reviews, (b) I started a new job yesterday that's pretty exciting and (c) we had a blast at GaryCon this past week. You knew that one was coming because you can read. Not really any surprises there.


We decided to go to GaryCon well after the Geneva Ridge Resort (that's the name that's listed on GaryCon's website, but it's really something something Lodge) had been completely booked up, meaning that +Kathryn Muszkiewicz+Jason Hobbs & I all had to find accommodation elsewhere. We picked a small hotel a few miles away in Elkhorn, Wisconsin, which was really just a short jaunt from the con site. Katie & I checked in around 5p (I think; I can't remember what time zone the 5p was in, mine or Wisconsin's), shortly after realizing that we liked Wisconsin due to how much it looked like home (Michigan for the uninitiated) since it actually had topography, unlike the other two states we'd just passed through (Indiana and Illinois). It just needs more trees.

Anyway, back to con stuff. Once Hobbs showed up, we made a bee line for the convention. When we got there, folks were already breaking out games. The second we walked through the door, +Rick Hull invited us to play DUNGEON! (an offer which I seriously wish we'd taken him up on, what with Katie & I being recent converts to the awesome that is DUNGEON!), but we went into the bar instead, where we met up with +Jen Brinkman & +Bob Brinkman and played some Cthulhu Flux. Note to self: always remember to ask for the bar's specials or you might miss the fact that the good local brew is free! Yes, the Glaurus Spotted Cow was free and it took me getting through a 25oz of something else to discover that fact. Damnit.


We didn't have any events planned for Thursday, which was a good thing because Katie & I felt like absolute shit. Katie might have been slightly hung over, but for me the problem, I believe, were the crappy hotel waffles. I'm of two minds about this: (a) breakfast was free, so there's little point in complaining too much and (b) the damn waffles made me sick! So, we putzed around all morning finding drug stores, places to eat and such before getting to the con and actually registering (we had not preregistered due to my personal incompetence in that field). Once we were good to go, we hit the exhibitor's hall, checked in with John Hershberger who always dutifully mans the BlackBlade/Goodman Games booth, and started scouring the place for deals. Here's the thing to remember: when you find that that thing you've been looking for is right there and a good deal, do not hesitate or say to yourself that you have to think about it! By the time that you come back to get it, that great price on the rare B-series module that you need to complete your collection will have already sold it out from underneath you!

Shortly after the exhibit hall, we made it to +Frank Mentzer's seminar on his history with TSR. It was really cool to hear his story and to get the history of TSR from his point of view. I've met Frank before (at GenCon of this past year), and this was still cool for me. However humble he may be about his role in its creation, Frank still wrote the version of D&D that got me into it, so he'll always have a place close to my heart. Rock on, Frank!

In the late afternoon, we played some Savage Worlds with ... some guys Hobbs knows. I know one guy's name is Brian. I'm pretty sure there was also a Pete and a Paul because we spent some time with those guys the next day. SW was fun. Brian put together a neat scenario that made it easy to create a character and start playing right away. Katie had never played SW before, but picked up the system right away and had a blast with it, despite how hard PCs are to kill. We had to excuse ourselves from the game, though, because +Doug Kovacs needed to chat with me about that night's DCC-related madness and what it would entail.

We ended up playing in the Kovacs/+Wayne Snyder brainchild that is STOUTFELLAS. For those not in the know, the idea is that you're playing dwarven mobsters on a mission from Da Boss, often with ridiculous results. Players included me, Katie, Hobbs, +Rick Hull+Jen Brinkman+Jeffrey Tadlock, and, I believe, Eric & daughter. I got to do an accent all night since my dwarf, Yuri the Smirk, came from the other side of the mountain (and someone had mentioned something about Russian mobsters). I rolled a "poodle" as my special gear on Doug's d200 table of weird and usually pointless gear, so I ran with it and made it a thing. Soon enough, I was having to roll "poodle checks," a game artifact that stayed with us well into the next day.


Friday started off much better than Thursday did. Despite the madness that was STOUTFELLAS, we had energy, we were feeling great and we were rarin' to go. Which made the "What's New With Goodman Games?" seminar fun. Let me say that I'm really impressed with +Doug Kovacs's ability to keep a secret. Never once did he let slip to the other Metal Gods players that Goodman is doing a reissue of the 1976 first edition of Metamorphosis Alpha and supporting it with a line of modules. Never once! One might have been able to guess it due to the number of MA events the Goodman crew were running, but hindsight and all that. I was actually pretty damn excited by this, despite the fact that up until that seminar, I'd never played MA. Read it a bunch of times, but never played it.

We had some morning strangeness with having to run back to our hotel room, but while we were out, we decided to stop and pick up some beer, especially in light of our bar tab from the previous day (kind of totally out of control), before we came back to play in +Jobe Bittman's 998th Conclave session. I'm really looking forward to the module this session was a playtest for; basic premise: one of the party's wizards has been invited to join the ranks of the universe's most esteemed mages and the party gets an all-expense-paid trip into space for the festivities. Jobe, if you're reading, I love what you're doing with this adventure, but I have some advice: in a con setting, you probably want to move things along in the beginning of the adventure so that the players get enough time playing with all the cool parts that you've put into play at the actual Conclave.

After the session, we hung around a small lobby-like area off the main downstairs space where a lot of folks were drinking the free beer (but we'd brought our own) and, I'll readily admit, we got a little toasty. Jobe, Hobbs and the guys from Thursday's Savage Worlds guys hung out. When Hobbs was explaining our STOUTFELLAS game to them, one of the guys said the dumbest thing I've ever heard come out of a gamer's mouth: "So, what? Do you play these games just for fun or something?" After that we played some games with Joe Goodman before Doug demanded that Jobe & I conspire with him on something mad.

The Friday night DCC session was huge. We had 17 players and 3 Judges. Doug had been teasing the attendees with the knowledge that he had drawn this killer map for a DCC PvP arena showdown. We added to that the copies of Palladium's old Mechanoids RPG that Doug found somewhere and we had a premise: in an impossible future, the Mechanoids had enslaved mankind and were forcing them to exterminate each other in arena combat pitting men against women in single-sex teams. Each team had its own Judge (I had the men, Jobe had the ladies) and Doug jumped in where he could by offering the players things that he had sketched and named, but the way it worked was up to the Judge. This is how +Jeffrey Tadlock ended up with both a "fish gun" and "rocket jock strap." The men's team included: +Dieter Zimmerman+Chris Hooker, Marv (Finarvyn), +Cory Gahsman, +Jeffrey Tadlock, Katie & Hobbs (and one other person, but I can't remember who it was.) The ladies' team was: +Rick Hull+Jen Brinkman+David Baity+Michael Bolam, some guy who'd never played DCC before (and, as the joke goes, still hasn't), +Todd Bunn & +Bob Brinkman. Apparently, the ladies' team had an easier time than the men and apparently I'm a tough Judge, particularly since I'd killed off half the party before we even got to the arena portion of the game. But hey, this is DCC, right? You show up expecting to earn your personal Valhalla, right? What entertained me the most is that my reputation really wasn't earned; most of the PC deaths on my side happened as the result of players' actions. I'm looking at you, +Cory Gahsman. And you +Dieter Zimmerman.


By Saturday, we were exhausted. Mentally, physically, just completely worn out. We did, however, manage to play in +Jobe Bittman's upcoming Metamorphosis Alpha adventure, Death Ziggurat in Zero Gravity (or something along those lines). This was a blast. The session started with character creation (fun stuff there, btw, rolling up mutations) and progressed nicely into a little sandbox where we (a group of mutants with 2 true humans) killed some things to provide meat for our tribe and managed to locate something else beneath the sands of the desert biome we were living in. I won't go into detail, but the whole set up was solid and moved nicely into a traditional site-based adventure relatively seamlessly. It felt obvious to me that parts of the module were inspired by the weather of the last few months (please don't make me think about them anymore though, we only just thawed out), which was kind of neat getting to see where Jobe drew his inspiration.

Eventually, we loaded up some cars and took a bunch of folks off in search of pizza at Hobbs's request. Jobe, Doug and +Jeffrey Tadlock accompanied us, and it was nice to go "off the reservation" for a little bit. We made it back in a reasonable amount of time and started marshalling our forces for the night's DCC action. I can't remember what the full title of it was (Doug had this long title for the session that included at least one "fuck" if not two), but the original concept was to be a mish-mash of all the other crap we'd played over the past few days. Mechanoids, Metamorphosis Alpha, STOUTFELLAS, whatever. In the end, it was a mess, but a fun mess. Jobe and Jeff played conjoined twins, Katie was an "action fortuneteller" who could turn into a cat, Jen was a creepy little girl who could turn into a zombie three times a day or something, Rick and David had psychic powers and I played a clone of my poodle from Thursday night, all exploring the starship Warden to keep the computer from killing them.

The session had the most ridiculous non-sequitur ending that I still get a good laugh out of: a robed frogoid wizard-lookin' dude flew down on some kind of hover disk and yelled "Ha! It was all a joke! <extended pause> Joke contest!" You could tell that pause was Doug trying to figure out what came next. It was great. And so, we each launched into our own terrible jokes in hopes of beating Doug's really shitty joke. In the end, +Dieter Zimmerman clinched it for us with the following:

  • Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
  • A: An in-vest-igator.
By the time Dieter got around to telling us that one, we were all too stupid to not find that hilarious. 


We thought we wouldn't be hitting up the con on Sunday, but +James DeYonke had asked us to pick him up the new Goodman joints, so we went back and did that for him. Got to see the Brinkmans one last time, as well as Doug. The drive home was nice and largely uneventful (I've got it in for you, giant pothole near Paw Paw & Lawton, MI), and took right around 6 hours of leisurely driving. Oh, and I made the thing in the picture with the waffle iron at our hotel. Four crappy sausage patties in a this-time-not-poisonous waffle. Surprisingly good.

Final Word

GaryCon is a really neat con. A bit short of space, so things can feel a little cramped, but thankfully it was March so the typical geek bathing habits didn't stank up the joint. The word I kept using for the thing was "intimate," and it was. It was really cool to see Frank and Ernie and Luke and Jim Ward just mingled in with everybody else. No other con I've ever been to is more down to earth than GaryCon and at the same time had as much clout in one place.

I would gladly do GaryCon again and I'm already starting to think about planning for next year. I'd really like to get a room in the Lodge if we do go, which means I'll have to sort all that out before too long. (Remember that I'm the guy who booked his GenCon room reservation for 2014 the day he was leaving GenCon 2013.) If I do GaryCon again, I'll definitely run something there, as well; I feel like the crowd would be pretty receptive to my own personal brand of strange. And so, it's just a matter of me seeing whether the wife feels like GaryCon planning around the time we get done with GenCon.