Monday, December 3, 2012

Dear Folks Who Want A Review Of Stuff

Dear Folks Who Want a Review of Something You Wrote/Made/Own the Rights To,

I'm just not interested. My buddy Edgar pointed out a few days ago how much it sucks when you do this. And yet, it keeps happening. You people obviously did not get his memo, so I'm writing my own.

I did not choose to buy your e-novel, nor your adventure module or your whatever-else-it-was and think that it was the sort of thing I needed to be talking about. If I actually bought it, I've obviously decided that I don't have anything nice to say, and so am therefore not saying anything at all (just like mom taught me; wouldn't she be proud?). If I didn't buy it, it's because it didn't impress me enough to make me want to buy it, and so, no, I don't want a "review copy;" I don't do reviews so much as "rave about stuff that I really, really love and ignore everything else."

Just now, I stopped myself from specifically calling out one of the folks who just posted to G+ the something that prompted this letter. Part of that stopping was not wanting to say really mean stuff about something that someone is proud about (I don't want to hurt any feelings, particularly of someone I might end up at a gaming table with some day; aren't we all here for fun in the first place?), part of it was not wanting to draw attention to a project that I think is ignore-worthy.

That may make me sound like a dick but, frankly, that's because I am. I don't just dislike things, I actively dislike things. I wouldn't say "hate," but I would say that I actively (as in "in an active manner") dislike things. Often vocally. Loudly. With bile and vitriol.

But I'm trying to be nice here, folks. Please stop making that harder.

The long and short of it amounts to this: I have not reviewed whatever it was that you asked me to review because either (a) I am not interested enough to spend money on it or (b) if I did spend money on it, I have nothing positive to say about whatever it was you're selling. Let's just leave it at that, shall we? I don't want there to be any "fighting words" thrown out there regarding any aspect of the hobby that we all purport to love.

Thanks for your understanding and expected compliance with this simple request,

That guy with the 2 Zs in his name, neither of which make a "z" sound.